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I�am just simply a vile person sometimes.�

I�just spent the last few hours cleaning, in an effort to get into the closet in Andre and my room.� (Gotta say, I�have no idea how Andre managed to survive on his own for so long. Men are just gross.)�

Anyway, when I finally got into it, I realized that he had actually yet to unpack the vast majority of the stuff he brought with him after he moved in here.�

2 years ago.

Needless to say, I was a little bit surprised.� And amused.� So I started digging and unpacking for him (with his only grudging assistance.)� In addition to virtually doubling his wardrobe, I also found out that when he left his last apartment after his breakup with Andrea, he just grabbed piles of stuff, stuffed it into duffel bags and whatnot, and left.� Without really checking to see what heapos;d grabbed.

As it turns out, he ended up grabbing a bunch of Andreaapos;s stuff in the process.� Which I had the dubious pleasure of unearthing.�

Itapos;s an odd, and somewhat unfortunate, feeling to be cleaning your fianceapos;s closet and come across stuff that belonged to the Senior Significant Other.� Itapos;s especially unfortunate when you have your own reasons for intensely disliking that woman, which are somewhat independent from my knee-jerk "you hurt my Andre, bitch" mild dislike I usually approach exes with.� Iapos;m talking about dislike to the extent of utter loathing in Dreaapos;s case.�� There are only two exes of his I�can really say that about: Drea and Melissa.� (Mel for obvious reasons, Drea for reasons Iapos;m not actually at liberty to mention.)

I happened to say something off-hand to Andre about Drea as we were sorting, which apparently betrayed the fact that I really donapos;t like her. Still.� When he called me on it, he sounded surprised that Iapos;d really managed to hang on to that level of dislike for so long.� "Itapos;s been two years, Babe"� was his reaction. �

So?

Iapos;m sure it makes me a vile, petty person that I canapos;t get past the issues I have with her and just let it go already.� But I canapos;t, and wonapos;t.� Period.� Iapos;m sitting on a good, solid, simmering loathing here that Iapos;m fairly certain is going to go the distance.� I have absolutely no interest in letting bygones be bygones.� Iapos;m not the "water under the bridge" type in the best of times, and she isnapos;t a person Iapos;m willing to extend the effort to by any means.

My apologies to the people reading this who are still on good terms with her.� I know it can be an awkward position to be in, and I donapos;t mean to cause drama.� Iapos;d submit that if you dug a pile of your fianceapos;s exes clothes�(including unmentionables) out of his closet, youapos;d need to vent a little too.



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About to board the second plane and I have never been more fucked up in my life: absolutely no sleep for the past two days, downupdownuppers, alcoholall day long, friend tears, some redneckapos;s voice behind my head saying "...and then, as these kiyids begin to segrigate..."

Iapos;m so fucked right now, I havenapos;t even been able to properly communicate with myself, the only message my brain can absorb is that I am fucked up. Fucked the fuck up. Trying to remain functional, hauled heavy luggage throughout the city at an absurd hour in the morning...I canapos;t tell if Iapos;m wearing purple tights or if my legs have changed colors, donapos;t wanna think about anything, donapos;t wanna think about anything, donapos;t wanna think about anything, people stop your talking, hands stop your shaking, is the bar open yet? can we fucking smoke in here? i see me, in the computer screen, a reflection, people, listen, stop your plans...stop it now

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At what point does loneliness become a living breathing thing?

When your friends no longer call, when no one emails you, and when the last time you left you house was three weeks ago.

I got out of my house this weekend so I am not totally forgotten. Although I live close to her bf so I spend my time being a third wheel so she can spend time with her too old for her bf.

I need to get out and do something the depression is overwhelming. There are days when I donapos;t even want to get out of bed.

I need something to live for

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Lets see what i got to do here:

TONIGHT: put sheaths on 2 body suits, Box up and get ready to ship 5 things
MONDAY: ship out some boxes, laundry, format Media PC (might format Media PC tonight"
TUESDAY: ship out some more boxes, start packing up the rest of stuff
WEDNESDAY: Take down bed and cabinet, fill out some papers, emails
THURSDAY: Format my PC, Do some new plaster molds.
FRIDAY: Clean, then RELAX
SATURDAY: Finish packing up what is needed, emails
SUNDAY: Brother comes in the morning to help with move, move all the shit from here to Hamilton. Then Pho.

Anyone want to come keep me company XD

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Obama outspends McCain 3 to 1, 4 to 1, possibly more on advertising.
McCain, with comparatively limited resources may be required to use
them to defend states where he was expected to be comfortably ahead.

How is an election where you only hear from one of the major party
candidates a fair or democratic way to enable the people to make an
informed choice between the candidates?

Did I understand correctly when McCain pointed out briefly that Obama
promised to reveal if he would not be using public funding? Will Obamaapos;s
possible victory be clinched as a result of a lie?

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Apparently starting senior year means I donapos;t blog. Oh well. The last post I was working on (that you canapos;t see, neener neener) was about Michael Phelps and the Olympics. I started before the Olympics and kept updating Phelpsapos; medal count until the thing was over. Sigh. I should probably work on posting faster.

Note to add to my list of things I will miss from the summer: Watching dry erase marker dry instantaneously in the sun. It looks really cool.

My apologies for my complete and utter negligence of everyoneapos;s blogs. I tried to catch up this morning, but mostly skimmed.

Senior year is crazy. Iapos;m overloading, of course, but this time I either need things to graduate, need things for after I graduate, or am not at all willing to give them up. Next semester could be a lot more relaxed. Maybe.

Today the Olin Bubble drove me a little crazy. I really need to get off campus and do something social. I havenapos;t hung out much with some of the people I like to hang out with very often. You probably know who you are -- I miss you Iapos;m a little sick (second serious cold of the semester, darn it) and have been overworking, so I havenapos;t done a lot of getting out. Gah
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The flyer work never ends, or the online promotions. O_O

The MALEDICTION MASQUE flyer is kicking my ass though. Iapos;ve restarted the design twice so far, and Iapos;m running out of time. Weapos;re also combining that event with the SCORPIO ZODIAC BALL to keep the momentum of Halloween Weekend up so...trying to marry the two while keeping to a Halloween theme is providing difficult. Hmph.


Atari, the boy kitty who was put in the kitty hospital for an UTI is being difficult. Heapos;s been out for almost two weeks now, and cries and cries and cries all the time. So Iapos;m constantly picking him up and taking him to the litter box, and now I suspect heapos;s conditioned to cry to make me take him because it seems like he never goes of his own volition. Like an old man. :(

The vet gave me some "vitamins" to give him to relax his bladder muscles so he will relieve himself fully instead of in spurts. And he went from being a slightly dumb and klutzy cat to being borderline retarded and disable. Upon googline these "vitamins" I learn they are actually owners. And since the kid doesnapos;t have a tolerance, I reduced the dosage. But I must say, the drugged out kitty moments were hysterical in their own right. Heapos;s been affectionately, and alternately referred to as: melty cat and slug kitty over the past few days.


Finally picked up my deposit from the venue, but couldnapos;t find Nelsonapos;s CD. Theyapos;re going to look for it an ask the sound girl when she gets in. Otherwise Iapos;m buying Nelson a new CD. Dapos;oh. My bad for forgetting to grab it at the end of the night from the Cruxshadowapos;s show at The Join.

Took deposit and hit bank. Iapos;m now no longer broke. Letapos;s see how well I can hold out this month with all the events, before I start my new job in November. Also, my car is paid off as of this November. Iapos;m thrilled about this. No more $350 a month on top of massive insurance. Just in time for the collapse of the economy :P


As far as DJing goes, I picked up a residency DJing at THERAPY in San Diego once a month on the 3rd Saturdays. Technically twice a month on the event of any 5th Saturdays. I expect to have a flyer to show off shortly. All thatapos;s missing is a monthly gig in San Francisco like I was talking with the boys (Josh, Rick, and Dave). :P

Hmm, guess that means I ought to make a phone call now that Iapos;m thinking about it. ^_^



Lastly, it struck me that I has no style anymore. As in I have not bought nor made any new club clothes in like, years, and my hair hasnapos;t change either.

- Any clothing designers out there want to help me out with this? :(

- Any hair stylists want to give me suggestions? :(

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